I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
