there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
