I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dicks are not precious.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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