I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
