why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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