Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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