watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
