he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
