Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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