Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
