And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
