He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
