4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think a kid would responsible me up
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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