I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
