gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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