i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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