I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
