i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
