she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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