so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We are two peas in an std pod
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
