Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
