i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
