a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
