So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
