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• (720): View more from Colorado

  i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  what

  (720): View more from Colorado

  nvm

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.

  (231): View more from Michigan

  i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.

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• (914): View more from New York

  The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??

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• (714): View more from California

  The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.

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• (551): View more from New Jersey

  Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.

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