Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
