ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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