i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
