Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize