Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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