A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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