Please, let me fuck your mom
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
