i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
