In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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