I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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