know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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