Define "chronic" masturbator.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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