i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
