Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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