well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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