I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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