Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
