is your mom at the bar?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
