i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize