Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
