Can Purell be used as lube?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Who died my cat blue again?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
