we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
