DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
