my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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