I just threw up on my dentist
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize