Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
