Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
