Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
