Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
