i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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