ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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