in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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