You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He felt like a one man threesome
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
