This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize