Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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