his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
