you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
