the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
