I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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