9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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