Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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