I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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