I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
