dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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