Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
